Typical of the internet, and particularly Google Images. I’m trying to research images for a cartoon I’m directing. I have a mob of villagers with torches and farm implements, so I search for spade, and get only one image in twenty that’s any use!
Archive for the 'Experiment' Category
Blogging is fundamentally a form of vanity publishing: You can dress it up in fancy terms, for example call it “pardigm shifting” or a “disruptive techology”, however the truth is that blogs consist of sensless teenage waffle. Adopting the blogger lifestyle is the literary equivalent of attaching tinsely-sprinkles to the handlebars of your bicycle.
In spite of the rubbishness of blogs, just about every “Internet Company” company these days sees bloggers as the next cash-cow; A cash-cow from which I personally hope to milk golden-moolah. I’ve just invented a way that is guaranteed to make some serious wonga out of this whole blogging thing - what bloggers want more than Google-style technological wizardry, is readers, and I shall be the one who provides them.
Compared to other forms of vanity publishing, blogging has a more tangible and immediate reward and at a lower risk. You get to see your article on the screen just as soon as you click the publish button; However with printed publication you could thrust books into people’s hands and at least delude yourself into thinking that somebody might be reading your novel. In the world of blogging “0 Comments” is an unambiguous statistic that means absolutely nobody cares. The awful truth about blogging is that there are far more people who write blogs than actually read blogs.
But my company can fix this, for a nominal fee: My employees will post an agreed quantity of comments and trackbacks onto your pathetic blog. You (no matter how dull and undeserving), will be the centre of a lively discussion. Your days of comment-free blogging will be long gone as your new virtual friends will hang upon (and most importantly reply) to your every word.
I’m convinced it can be done - the whole thing can be automated. Customers submit their RSS feed when they susbscribe (you can pay by MasterCard or PayPal). The system will randomly distribute articles that require comments to a panel of specially selected commentators who will spend their entire day reading and responding earnestly to their clients blog articles. They get paid according to the number of comments that are published on Customer Blogs. Of course, this opportuniy will be open to citizens of all countries - the only qualifications are internet access, basic grammar and a modicum of wit.
I work in Soho in London, and for a while now have been disturbed by the number of trilbies being worn by media herberts. Just like “the rudest horse in the world“, (although not now “sat down heavily on the cake”, which yields 2 results - one being this blog and the other being a LibDem blog which has been aggregating content… which is something I don’t completely understand but have resolved to ask Sal about.) searching for the exact phrase “ironic trilby”, yielded 0 results.
Although maybe the reason is that these people aren’t wearing them ironically. Or maybe my understanding of irony is way off the mark.
I’ve got no voice. I can’t vote tomorrow because, as I’ve been moving around so much recently, I neglected to update my details soon enough and I’m not registered in my area. I feel a little ashamed as this is the first election in which I have been eligible but haven’t voted. So I figured that the most useful thing I can do is try to hijack somebody’s vote by influencing their opinion.
Vote LibDem. Locally, vote Green.
If I’m honest, I find myself inclined towards a protest vote. My opinion is based on little apart from my habitual revulsion for the Tories (retraction of public services, immigration controls), coupled with a feeling of having been misled over the war in Iraq, which I wavered over, rather than being entirely for or against.
Anyway - if you’re unsure, maybe you can just think of me and donate your vote to me - just tip a cheery wink to the skies and know that I will be beaming down on you from my orbiting space-jar.
I guess that’s all I can do!